he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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