Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
