Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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