Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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