I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize