M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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