Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You ruined the universe
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
