My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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