this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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