My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
