i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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