I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
