The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
