well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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