D3 body, D1 cock
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
