Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I cockslap morals
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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