Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
