I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
