It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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