Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
