new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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