Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
