I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
