Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
