Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
