Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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