hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
