Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
