I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I need to sanitize my soul.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
