Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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