you guys were way drunker than both of me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
