I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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