Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
