I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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