420 ftw
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
