he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We got so high we made milksteak
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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