I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
