ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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