I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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