you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
