so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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