i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
