My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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