Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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