Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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