Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
