why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize