Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
