she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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