I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
