So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
