Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
