guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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