I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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