in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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