not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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