my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize