I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
