We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
