If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
