Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
