Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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