All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize