O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
