Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
