bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
