Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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