If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
