I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
