do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
