broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
