They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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