Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
