im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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