so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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