I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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