I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
