the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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