Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
