I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i believe in u and ur pee
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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