no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
