I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
