I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He shit in the fireplace
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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