if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
