i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
